Friday, November 30, 2007

Biting the hand that feeds........

My 12 year old DD is testing me at the moment. Her moods & behaviour have been horrendous recently even more than usual. Her computer & mobile phone have been resident in my office for the past two weeks & she was also grounded from sport for a week but still it continues.

Whilst I was ill last month I asked her to make her own packed lunch for the following day. The reply I received was

"Why should I it's your work!"

I had up to that point made her lunch (along with DH's & mine) the night before & put it in the fridge so that mornings weren't so rushed but since then she has made her own with a lot of complaining.

Last night DH & I attending the first parents evening at her new Secondary school. Thinking that she would be hungry if she didn't eat until afterwards I made her a cheese omelette when she got home but insisted that the kittens were fed & tray cleaned before she ate. This act caused a huge row & objects were thrown & abuse shouted at the cook.

So she's going to have to get self sufficient pretty quickly as this mother has had enough of being treated like something unpleasant on the bottom of her shoe.

Can anybody recommend respite care for 12 year olds?

ETA:

All her teachers love her & praised her behaviour. She's well mannered, polite, attentive & homework is always handed in on time. We both commented a few times that we didn't recognise the child they were talking about!

8 comments:

Auntie Noo said...

I don't envy you - I'd definitely lose my temper! Funny though of MrNoo's 3 children (2 boys 1 girl) the girl (aged 16) is the best..... and yet she has a terminal illness to deal with, along with being hooked up to a feed pump all night, daily physio, and somewhere in the region of 40 tablets to take a day........ if anyone has a right to be crabby, she does. Who'd ever understand a teenager eh????

Anne said...

Hmm - I come to this one as the parent of a 5 and 3 year old, and teacher of 6th formers (although I've done time in secondary school too) - the only solace I can offer is that it's a _good_ thing that it's you who gets her worst behaviour. Strange as it sounds it means that she feels secure with you, and she trusts you completely - that's why it's 'OK' for her to test the boundaries so thoroughly. When I was teaching in one secondary school a large proportion of the students came from very unstable home backgrounds - for them school provided the stability they needed, and they played up for us appallingly - however when we took them out on school trips they (generally) behaved impeccably.

So no, that behaviour is not acceptable, but it is kind of OK too. (But oh SOOOO annoying!)

(Heh! My verification word is 'yarndji'!)

DianeS said...

The cure for 12 year old girls? 13 year old girls!

Good thing that big old pond is between you and me right now. It's a wonder my DD and I survived that whole teenager thing. We did and I really like spending time with her now (she's 22 1/2).

Missmalice said...

I'd have to agree with Anne. I was a terrible (TERRIBLE) teenager - rude to my folks... but always well behaved in front of others. I think it was something like my mom being always so together that I pushed to limits so much. When my grandfather died realised that my mom was just as human and deserving, no, needful of a supporting hand as anyone else that my attitude really changed...

Woollywarbler said...

It's infuriating isn't it, been there myself. My eldest (16) is just starting to realise that mum is there to help not skivvy. He does however, know how to win me over and most of the time it's a simple "please?" Last year, we had the grounding, the phone and laptop removal for a 2 week period and ended up with a much nicer atmosphere and a teenager who actually spoke to us ;) It has lasted too, although he has been threatened with the same treatment a couple of times. My youngest (14) seriously tested his limitations this week and may be going down the same path. He has been warned...Oh who'd be a parent eh?!!

modelwidow said...

Oh dear, I`m sure it will pass, but it must be awful in the meantime. I suppose looking for small glimmers, she is well behaved and liked by the teachers so the nice DD is in there still, shame as mums we get the worse side.

Fran said...

Oh, this brings it back...My eldest was vile, and I mean REALLY VILE...rude, dirty, insulting and everything was always MY fault...I hardly recognise her as the same person now time has passed...her brother (8 years her junior) is now only half as vile, and SHE tells him off!!! I never thought she'd go anywhere, she was so opinionated and unpleasant, and nobody could ever get anything right for her....and now she has a degree, her own (bought!!) flat, and is a sargeant in the police force!!! Thank God!!! Just ride on in there, and take regular breaks, and always ALWAYS co-parent....as in always have the exact same opinion and praise and punishment, and always carry it through (my daughter now in the police is full of admiration now for the fact I would track her down and haul her home from parties at houses I had disallowed....now she is dealing with the kids from a 'law' point of view...'not enough parents are bothered' etc!!!) Funny how what goes around comes around, isn't it?

Midsummer night's knitter said...

The first 20 years are the worst
;0)
We've had the same kind of comments which are a bit hard to swallow. Now my son is (just) in his 3rd decade I am starting to recognise him again!
India